2014

Happy New Year! How often have you already heard this today? I heard it 17 times yet and nobody knows how many people forgot to say it today and will tomorrow. 

I love New Starts. I love Changes. I love new ideas. That’s everything a New Year offers. It’s the First Day of the Year and I woke up so full of new ideas. Something new is the chance to get a new chance. I started to read a book in the last days of 2013. It’s about a woman, how does one good deed every day for one year. It made me think of what I could do in 2014.

Today I got a brainwave for this year. I wanted to take a picture every day. 356 pictures of 2014. I loved the idea from the beginning and thought about creating a blog to publish one picture everyday so I could show my actions to everyone. 

I told my family and boyfriend about this and he was like “it’s kind of weird to publish your whole life in the internet”. This was like a punch in the face, because I thought it was so perfect and he just didn't feel my joy about it. My idea was maybe impossible because I wouldn't even have enough time to do so. I laid in my bed for like an hour thinking about the next year. What if I wouldn't do a photography blog? What if I would just not document my entire life every day? All the diaries, blogs, photo albums and every sheet of paper which I filled with my thoughts, dreams and feelings about life became a huge pressure for me since a while. So I got that it wouldn't be the right way to continue like this. I decided to do the opposite. To stop writing and blogging and documenting every little step I will do in 2014. I would stop to talk about myself all the time and start to listen to all the others. I would start to support them and stop to wait for their support for my dreams. 

Finally I added the sixth and last point to my New Year Resolutions:

1. I will Fight for Love and Friendship.
2. I will Have less fears and worries.
3. I will Be funnier.
4. I will Not repeat small and large mistakes.
5. I will To stay myself.
6. I will Get inspired.

ForeverBrownie - New Blog

Secrets & Quotes' author Sarah will continue blogging on her new Blog Forever Brownie.

♥

Singularity (2)

Here comes the second part of the song Singularity. (First Part click here)

People hide.

People are vulnerable inside.

People don't want to be recognized.

People don't want to be identified.

Because of others prejudices,

Nobody dares to disclose one's singularity.

I know your insecurity,

But you have to show identity, 

If you trust somebody, you could find out, 

that your singularity makes you proud. 

Show me who you are without you cover.

Stop trying to be like anyone other.

People hide.

People are vulnerable inside.

People don't want to be recognized.

People don't want to be identified.

Because of others prejudices,

Nobody dares to disclose one's singularity.

You have to have your singularity.

You have to share your singularity.

You have to love your singularity.

♥♥♥

Singularity (1)

I think it's one or two years ago that my sister told me to write a song for her, because she needed it for a reason that I forgot. Here's the first part of the song.

Most people don't know who they are.
They lie to be someone who we love.
Are afraid we might find out who they are;
Afraid to be someone they didn't strove.

People hide.
People are vulnerable inside.
People don't want to be recognized.
People don't want to be identified.
Because of others prejudices,
Nobody dares to disclose one's singularity.

With their clothes and with their look, 
Trying to impress the big wide world. 
Their cars, their houses and where they are born, 
All this, they only do that someone likes. 

I don't want to see more of your outside appearance.
Don't see everybody as concurrence,
Show me who you are without you cover.
Stop trying to be like anyone other.

♥♥♥ Part 2 coming soon.

Social Life

People tend to brag with their social life in front of others. Only with someone they really trust they start to talk about how they really feel about friends and people they have to do with. So, we kinda of need our social life and our human connections. But what happens if we don't have if we loose these connections and this life? How does our life look when we don't talk to others? How do we feel, when nobody asks us how our day was? I think we need personal contact to feel alive. When we don't talk we can't share our thoughts. When we don't have someone who looks in our eyes, nobody looks in our soul and sees the real person who's in there. Imagine a life, where we don't have anyone. We wake up very morning, go into shower, eat breakfast and go to work. We work somewhere, where no humans are and we are always alone. How long would it take us to totally freak out? How long? When that happens we aren't alive anymore. We are just dead people who rest in a biologically living body. Let's never let it come so far. Let's keep our friendships alive. Let's create trust. Let's be together and not alone.

ツツツ

Cutest thing in the world.

For all of you who like puppies or dogs and all of you who don't like puppies and dogs:
Since I'm 11 years old I used to hate dogs. The reason is, when my cousin was young (and I mean really young) a dog bite her in her cheek. I don't remember how it exactly happened, but I guess it must have been horrible. Another cousin of mine was pushed so hard by another dog that he fell down and lie down in the grass. It must have been terrible for him, too. I'm not trying to generalize that, but I think that it's the behavior and the actions of a dog, which makes it unpleasant.
When I first met Hachi it was the same as always. He's the dog of a friend and even though it was outside of the house, he was barking the whole time and I had to be afraid that he's going to bite me in my leg. Of course the dog and me hated each other.
But today everything changed.
I was at my friends house and I don't wanna seem arrogant or conceited, but I think the dog fell in love with me. After a short time, he followed me where ever I went and I could pet him almost every where, where I wanted. It was amazing and I have to admit I fell in love with him too. Even my friend said, that the dog usually doesn't like her friends as much as he liked me.
Isn't it like in the perfect love stories, where two people hate each other first but then create the biggest love we have ever seen?
Of course I can't compare my relationship to a dog, to a couple of two humans, but I want to tell you something else with this example.
Sometimes in life the first try doesn't work. Sometimes we don't succeed by doing the first step. Sometimes we need to try again and need to do the first step again.
Don't give up, when it doesn't work the first time.

♥♥♥

The purse.

Shopping is a way for women immerse into another world and forget what is bothering them.
After a a trip with my school class I went shopping with my friends, because we already were in a big city. Most of you should know the store Primark which initially comes from Great Britain. But thanks to globalization we have stores in Germany too and I can tell you it's one of the best clothing stores I know. Besides the fact that the clothes are incredible cheap, the clothes and especially the accessorizes are adorable pretty. When I was in Primark at that day, I found this purse. It's black and tiny and cute and it was Love at the first sight so I chose to take it. My friends first reaction was:
"Not really? You're buying a purse? You already have so many!"
It was an immeasurable extent of confusion in my head.
Weren't they the ones who taught me that I can never have too many purses?
I bought it. I didn't care about my friends advise to let the purse in the shop. I didn't make my decision up to them. But it wasn't because I don't like their advise. It wasn't because I don't care what they say.
I actually did it for two reasons.
First of all because the purse was awesome and it really matches my character.
The other reason is, that I hate when gives me an advise when they told me the opposite a short time before.

♥♥♥

I can't believe it.

But we have a story. You're deleting it out of your head. You might think it's easy for me, but it's hard. To forget you is one of the hardest things, I've ever had to do. The time we spent together meant something to me. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. I know I lied to you, but I'm too afraid to say the truth. Because you always lied to me. All the time. Sometimes I can't believe it. I want that everything you said was true. I want that it meant the same to you as to me. But you just used me. You don't even know which feelings you released in my body. I never felt so strong.
You did your mistakes. I did mine. I'm never gonna know whose were worse. I'm never gonna know who did more. But it doesn't matter. We can forgive each other everything what we did.
It's Life that doesn't let us be together.
When we're trying to get what we want, we don't get it.
If we don't want something we get it.
But if we don't want it first after we got it and then change our mind, it usually is taken away from us.

♥♥♥

The key is yourself

Read this text until the end:

"You meet someone.

You two get close.

It's all great for a while.

Then someone stops trying.

Talk less. Awkward conversations.

The drifting.

No communication whatsoever.

Memories start to fade.

Then that person you know,

becomes that person you KNEW.

That's how it usually goes, right?

Sad, isn't it."

The internet is full of texts like this. People like to complain that they lost someone in their life and they are just hurt and hurt and hurt.

You know... when you lost someone in your life, then maybe because they died or they walked away to another continent or anything. But you should stop saying those things about people who are still in the same city, town, school or even class like you. 

I know you wanna hear that they hurt you and you have every reason to cry now. It's okay. You can be hurt.  You can be really sad about it and it's okay. But you should ask yourself if you did everything that's possible about it.

You know you are saying: "We aren't that close anymore."

But WHY?

Why are you not close anymore? Is it maybe because you didn't have time for this friend anymore. Is it maybe because when this person didn't text you first you stopped trying? Is it maybe because you didn't listen the person anymore?

I'm not saying it's you're fault. All I'm saying is that you might wanna think about why it happened and what you could have done about it.

Don't let it happen next time, because you are right. It is sad.

Call me boring, but I like talking more than party.

One of my friends has many family problems. It's not only one actually. There are so many teenagers who have family problems and everybody just says it's normal at this age.
Maybe it gets normal when we see it as a normal fact. But normal ain't good.
These boys and girls who have an argument with their parents everyday, who scream in their parents face and who's parents don't know how to talk to them anymore, they have a huge problem. It's not normal. It's not okay.
Our society came to a point where we rather denounce a problem than solve it. Instead of fixing it we usually start to ignore it and escape. We are looking for something else but our problem follows us very often.
What do we even get when we escape?
I suggest to tell each other what we think without hurting someone. I suggest we don't run away when we should face a problem. I suggest we try hard to find a solution.
Call me boring, but I like talking more than party.
Because partying gives me attention, but talking gives me trust.

♥♥♥

Be change.

I'm just recently thinking about this quote.
"Be the change you wanna see in the world."
I wrote this on my leg when I was bored. The next day in school my best friend asked me: "Which change do you wanna see?"
I said what I always say: "You can read it, but don't talk to me about it."
Why did I not want to answer?
The first reason was of course, because I wanted to piss her a little off by saying it, because she's my best friend and I love her. To almost everything what I write and she asks me about is this sentence the answer.
But the second reason is and I'm not proud to say it, that I don't really know what I want to see.
It's not easy for me to say what comes up to my mind first.
And even if I know what I want to see, even if I know what should be different, even then, I'm to afraid to say it out loud. I'm afraid, someone could expect me to do exactly that change.
I know the change which should be made, but I'm afraid to give up everything to make this change possible.
Am I even allowed to say such a quote, when I'm not even there to put it in practice?
I shouldn't be the one who says it. I should be the one who hears it.

ツツツ

An argument.

It was yesterday when I had a huge argument with one of my friends. I have to mention that we don't know each other for so long, but my friendship to him really means something to me, because we telling each other so much. It's weird about our friendship that even tho we just know each other for a short time, we argue really much. It's because of the different opinions we have. About every single topic. It's like we have nothing in common so we argue about everything. Except some movies... :)
But yesterday it was different. It wasn't about one of these normal little fights which we have every day. It was more. But it's kinda unsolvable because he is so obstinate. He won't change his mind ever about it. It made me so mad.
That's the story, but the worst are my feelings, because I felt like he doesn't care about me at all. It's terrible.
I choose to ignore him, but it's not easy to ignore someone when he's not trying to talk to you. I mean, it's kinda easy, but it's too easy. I wanted it to be so hard. But I guess that's what makes it so hard.
I'm thinking about it every hour.

Why do they lie?

There was a day. A long time ago. When you told your really first lie. 

I knew you were lying. It was funny.

There is a time. Now. Right now. And I'm sick of all your stupid lies.

I don't know when you're lying. I hate it.

Why do you expect honesty, when you gave so much shit?

You don't have the right to expect any true sentence. No one.

I'm wondering if you still feel the feeling when you lie. I feel guilty when I don't let anyone know about the truth. Maybe you stopped to feel guilty.

Maybe it became the reality, not the exception.

I don't know if you're are aware of the consequences. 

Lying is wrong for a reason. The reason is: You hurt someone if you don't tell the truth.

▒▒▒

We changed.

In those days back then, we thought differently. We saw the mistakes which people do. We always said, we would never become these people. We said it's wrong and we knew it.

We changed.

Now, it's fun. We laugh about them, who refuse to act like we do. We call it YOLO when we do mistakes, because we don't want to take responsibility for our fateful deeds.
We would judge ourselves if we weren't us.

We say it's meant to be, because we don't wanna change the path we choose.
What if we got the wrong direction? What if we are becoming worse, not better?
We forgot to try to do the right thing. We said, we are doing wrong anyway. We said everyone makes mistakes, so it's fine.
We started to brag with our mistakes. We are proud to do wrong.

Maybe not all of us. But me.

☼☼☼

I didn't wanna leave you. All of you.

I still miss you sometimes.

And by sometimes I don't mean that I forget you the other time.

I just mean that sometimes, I really wish you could be here, next to me.

And I wished you could tell me your opinion about everything.

I wished you could tell me what you think, so that I could tell you how I think. Probably we would start arguing about it, but I miss it.

I miss every second we spent together. 

Sometimes, when my life just happens, then I wish you could be with me and we could have the fun together. Because it would be more fun with you. It would be nicer and better. 

I guess I just need to figure out to live without the most amazing things, I ever had and instead I should be thankful that I got them once.

But sometimes I just wish you could just lie with me and just forget the world.

♥♥♥

I wish you were here!

"Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here." - Avril Lavigne

When you are not around me, it's like a part of me is missing.

When you're not there, I'm not complete.

♥♥♥

The Truth.

The Truth is that I'm more hurt than all of you thought.
I know I acted as a strong person, but you don't know that I'm not.
I've tried to not show my tears. And whenever you saw them I said it's fine and I laughed about myself crying.
But actually the TRUTH is: I'm not laughing. I pulled up the corners of my mouth.
I said I'm so thankful for what I got, but actually that's just one side. It's what I'm trying to let you think of me.
Because I don't want you to think I'm weak. Because being weak is letting all of you know that I feel the pain.
I said I don't worry about it. But I do. Not exactly about what happened, but about what it does to the ones I love.
It's hard to be hurt, but it's even harder to not let anyone know about it.
It's hard to cry, but even worse to hide it.
But I can't tell anyone. Because when I tell someone, they feel with my for a day. They forget about it. And as soon as they forget about it, they think I forgot about it too. But I don't.
I live with it every day.
While you are telling me about your problems, I start worrying about you. I feel sad for you. Just because deep in myself I still think I'm strong enough to get along with it alone, but you need my help.
So I'm gonna make the smile on your face and tell you that it makes me happy, too.

Every time I think back to it, I want to scream. But my voice fails.

Problems

So I think we're doing a huge mistake in our society these days.
It's the way we think about problems. Well... I should rather say, the way we talk about them.
Fact is: We talk about our problems instead of solving them.
Because we are taught that we should never change for anyone. So we won't change ourselves. We'd never do that, because of course we think we are right.
On the other site: We hate everyone. Not literally hate, but the little hate we feel whenever someone does something, we don't like.
Instead of solving problems by changing anyone's behavior or by trying something new, we are just being the same old person who we always were. We tell our problems our friends. We gossip about someone who is not like we want them. And if anyone tells us about our mistakes we just say: I will never change myself for anyone.
What's wrong with us?

♥♥♥

Love Letter: The first one

Once someone, a boy, wrote a letter to a girl. She wrote a letter back:

Boy,
I don't know what to say. I read your letter. Now I read both of them and I can't even say which one made me more cry. They are both so cute. So cute, that it just made me cry even more. You know, you always say "you have to get over this", but I don't want to get over this alone. I know you said "Life is there for being happy", but I just wished I could be happy with you. My face probably looks like crap, because tears are rolling down on from my eyes. I miss you so much. And it will never be the same.
[...]
You can be proud of me. I didn't cry for at least 15 minutes. Good right? But my face still looks super bad, because it is red and my hair is messed up because i didn't crush it and my eyes hurt, but I have a smile on my face. You know why? Because I'm happy I know you. And I'm so happy about every single word you wrote to me in the letter.
I have to go now. So bye, have fun... and I still love you. Smile!
Girl♥

But she never send it.

I'm done.

I'm done. Done waiting for everyone to give the love back. 

They are just answering questions, not starting to talk. 

And I have to live with it.

Who's there when I need them?