I can't believe it.

But we have a story. You're deleting it out of your head. You might think it's easy for me, but it's hard. To forget you is one of the hardest things, I've ever had to do. The time we spent together meant something to me. I know you don't believe me, but it's true. I know I lied to you, but I'm too afraid to say the truth. Because you always lied to me. All the time. Sometimes I can't believe it. I want that everything you said was true. I want that it meant the same to you as to me. But you just used me. You don't even know which feelings you released in my body. I never felt so strong.
You did your mistakes. I did mine. I'm never gonna know whose were worse. I'm never gonna know who did more. But it doesn't matter. We can forgive each other everything what we did.
It's Life that doesn't let us be together.
When we're trying to get what we want, we don't get it.
If we don't want something we get it.
But if we don't want it first after we got it and then change our mind, it usually is taken away from us.

♥♥♥

The key is yourself

Read this text until the end:

"You meet someone.

You two get close.

It's all great for a while.

Then someone stops trying.

Talk less. Awkward conversations.

The drifting.

No communication whatsoever.

Memories start to fade.

Then that person you know,

becomes that person you KNEW.

That's how it usually goes, right?

Sad, isn't it."

The internet is full of texts like this. People like to complain that they lost someone in their life and they are just hurt and hurt and hurt.

You know... when you lost someone in your life, then maybe because they died or they walked away to another continent or anything. But you should stop saying those things about people who are still in the same city, town, school or even class like you. 

I know you wanna hear that they hurt you and you have every reason to cry now. It's okay. You can be hurt.  You can be really sad about it and it's okay. But you should ask yourself if you did everything that's possible about it.

You know you are saying: "We aren't that close anymore."

But WHY?

Why are you not close anymore? Is it maybe because you didn't have time for this friend anymore. Is it maybe because when this person didn't text you first you stopped trying? Is it maybe because you didn't listen the person anymore?

I'm not saying it's you're fault. All I'm saying is that you might wanna think about why it happened and what you could have done about it.

Don't let it happen next time, because you are right. It is sad.

Call me boring, but I like talking more than party.

One of my friends has many family problems. It's not only one actually. There are so many teenagers who have family problems and everybody just says it's normal at this age.
Maybe it gets normal when we see it as a normal fact. But normal ain't good.
These boys and girls who have an argument with their parents everyday, who scream in their parents face and who's parents don't know how to talk to them anymore, they have a huge problem. It's not normal. It's not okay.
Our society came to a point where we rather denounce a problem than solve it. Instead of fixing it we usually start to ignore it and escape. We are looking for something else but our problem follows us very often.
What do we even get when we escape?
I suggest to tell each other what we think without hurting someone. I suggest we don't run away when we should face a problem. I suggest we try hard to find a solution.
Call me boring, but I like talking more than party.
Because partying gives me attention, but talking gives me trust.

♥♥♥

Be change.

I'm just recently thinking about this quote.
"Be the change you wanna see in the world."
I wrote this on my leg when I was bored. The next day in school my best friend asked me: "Which change do you wanna see?"
I said what I always say: "You can read it, but don't talk to me about it."
Why did I not want to answer?
The first reason was of course, because I wanted to piss her a little off by saying it, because she's my best friend and I love her. To almost everything what I write and she asks me about is this sentence the answer.
But the second reason is and I'm not proud to say it, that I don't really know what I want to see.
It's not easy for me to say what comes up to my mind first.
And even if I know what I want to see, even if I know what should be different, even then, I'm to afraid to say it out loud. I'm afraid, someone could expect me to do exactly that change.
I know the change which should be made, but I'm afraid to give up everything to make this change possible.
Am I even allowed to say such a quote, when I'm not even there to put it in practice?
I shouldn't be the one who says it. I should be the one who hears it.

ツツツ

An argument.

It was yesterday when I had a huge argument with one of my friends. I have to mention that we don't know each other for so long, but my friendship to him really means something to me, because we telling each other so much. It's weird about our friendship that even tho we just know each other for a short time, we argue really much. It's because of the different opinions we have. About every single topic. It's like we have nothing in common so we argue about everything. Except some movies... :)
But yesterday it was different. It wasn't about one of these normal little fights which we have every day. It was more. But it's kinda unsolvable because he is so obstinate. He won't change his mind ever about it. It made me so mad.
That's the story, but the worst are my feelings, because I felt like he doesn't care about me at all. It's terrible.
I choose to ignore him, but it's not easy to ignore someone when he's not trying to talk to you. I mean, it's kinda easy, but it's too easy. I wanted it to be so hard. But I guess that's what makes it so hard.
I'm thinking about it every hour.